I came home from a hard day at work and balled up into a fetal position and cried.
Got damn it!
Why the fuck does life have to be so hard for me?
Why am I never recognized for the good, my hard work, and my dedication?
But let a mistake occur, and I am placed on a stake
And crucified like a bad witch
I offer my ears to those in need of venting
I offer words of encouragement to others
But in my need, I am alone
I hate the head space I am currently in
Because I want to rip my fucking skin off and I want to drain the blood from my veins with a knife and watch myself suffer amongst those who hate me most
I’m so fucking tired of being strong
It is making me feel week
I am so got damn sick of fighting
My hands can no longer make a fist
I am so fed up with trying to prove to others my worth
While other show and tell me how worthless I am
The thought of “all it takes is one bullet and to pull the trigger” sounds so heavenly right now
I have no purpose in this world
But to be a joke, a sucker, a loser and a waste of flesh
I was a success in those categories
Today I realized my adopted mother has been right about me all along
And I can’t go on as “Me” anymore
I’m too tired and I’m done
Happiness and love isn’t for everyone
I am living proof of this
Sitting here listening to slow jams and sipping wine. George Michael’s “Father Figure” begins to play, Anyone who knows me personally knows I am a die hard George Michael fan. But every time I hear this song…I think about being a little girl and finding this video to be super sexy. I remember thinking how when I grow up I want that kind of sexual attraction. I didn’t know much about sex and what “fucking” was but I was smart enough to know this song and “Justify My Love” by Modonna made me excited about becoming an adult and experiencing sex and lust like that…maybe they are to blame for my taste in S&M. Back to the point. This is a super sexy song! I should consider making a sexual playlist and see how my victim…I mean partner enjoy the sexual experience with me..lol..My top sexy songs:
Prince: Purple Rain”
George Michael “Father Figure”
Madonna “Justify My Love”
J Holiday “Bed”
Michael Jackson “Dirty Diana”
Michael Jackson ” Give into Me”
Chris Isaak “Wicked Game”
The Weekend “Wicked Games”
I would love for others to share their “sexy” songs
I think sometimes I get so caught up in the “emotional” piece of life that I forget that I am still alive and I only have this life to live. Today I did something out of the ordinary and spent QT with someone I forgot I loved so dearly. We drove to the small beach outside of town and took a stroll along the pier. The beautiful thing about being by the sea, no matter what is going on in your life the waves have a rhythm and motion about itself that it seems to remove the “issue” and wash it out to sea. If only for that breath taking moment. Everyone at the beach seems to have no fear and no care in the world and people seem to be happy and friendly. The seagulls sat tall and attentive on the pier as if they were lifeguards and their duty was to ensure the swimmers were safe. Couples strolled hand and hand talking and enjoying the company of one another. Children ran to the sand with their buckets and pails, excited to play in the sand and let the waves chase them back to shore as they laughed and even cried out of fear of the waves. The beach is such a magical place and even though I didn’t swim I enjoyed myself watching others enjoy themselves. It made me realize life is too precious and there is so much to see and enjoy while we have this time on earth. I also faced one of my biggest fears of going out alone. I forgot how much I love myself and how I make me happy. I took myself on a date to the beach and while on a date with myself I realized I am no longer afraid to love and be committed. In fact, I am excited about jumping into the pool of love and relationship!
Don’t piss on my head and tell me it’s raining..
Don’t shit in my grass and tell me the dog did it
Don’t shoot me in the chest and tell me im having a heart attack
Don’t tell me you love me when you know got damn well you hate me
Don’t stab me in my back and tell me someone else did it
Don’t look me in my fucking eyes and tell me it’s true when we both know it’s a lie.
Don’t think you are “God” and appear when you feel like it and think I will always be waiting.
Don’t confuse my loyal and love with stupidity and desperation.
Don’t worry about what I am doing but since you are curious….
I am doing well!
I am enjoying my life
I am living life
And I have moved on with my life
So the next time you want to call and say “hello”
Just know the number you used to know is no longer in service
In order to continue on my journey of happiness
I had to let go of the past
I don’t think of you
The “memories” of “you” and “us” have been erased
The funny thing is…. I thank you for being such of piece of shit
I thank you for being a liar
I thank you for being you
Because without engaging in your terrible characteristics
I would not have come to my sense