Friend/s? 

  

The easiest way to see the “realness” of those who claim to be your friend is to experience a hardship. 

Three weeks ago, I lost my job, it took me about a week to recover from the shock of it. 

Termination reason given “At Will”… Which means no reason is needed to let you go.

Maybe if I got in trouble, I could understand. maybe if I was written up, I could understand. maybe if my evaluations, work ethics, attendance was so poor, I could understand.

But to be given a “At Will” is just bullshit to me.

I find it amazing how people pretend to be support when their “friend” is going through a tough time.

Since being let go… I have been pounding the job market, interviewing, and trying to remain positive throughout this process.

So far no offers have presented itself.

My confidence, my hope, and my positivity is starting to demolish. 

I’m not lazy nor do I enjoy being home all day. 

I love to work! I’m a workaholic. 

It’s funny how people treat you during your rough time.

They pretend to care, they pretend to be supportive and they pretend to be positive. 

But throughout that temporary “front” they don’t give a fuck about you.

Because let’s be real… It’s my current situation, this is my life. 

Enemy or foe, no matter what anyone goes through, I help in any way I can.

I remember talking to a “friend” (I’m using that term sarcastically) his bank accounts were frozen due to a child support claim. He spoke on how he had no money to get back and forth to work or to eat in the meantime. The caring person I am, I send money without question or without hesitation. 

I’ve had friends who needed a roof over their head I took them in or I assisted them in any way I can. 

Because of past experiences, I decided to see how much of a “friend” some of these people truly are. So I asked to borrow money. I didn’t do it because I needed it, I did it to prove a point. 

Hoping to be wrong… But they proved me right.

Not only have I not heard from any of them since I sent the texts. But they took it to the max and unfriend me on Facebook and stop following me on Twitter…

I don’t understand these people of God. I don’t understand the “maturity” of these adults. 

Either way, I thank them for doing what they did.

May they never reach out to me again in life.

Life is hard when you have no real friends or family…

But I’m thankful to have the greatest best friend…myself

Because without “me” I would be one broken individual.

I just hope one day God will grant me the gift of selfishness…

Because caring for others is complete bullshit…. 

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Late Night Cry

what does a “basic” woman have to do to feel loved, to feel accepted, to feel valued and to feel wanted?

Trying to maintain being “strong” is making me weak emotionally.

I get ridiculed for “accusations” and for “lies” but my truth and the things that I do (positively) goes unnoticed and unimported.

If I was the type to act on impulse..I would lose

If I was the type to remain unresponsive and take shit as is…I would still lose..

Wtf do I have to do to win? To be recognized as being “genuine” “honest” “loving” “beautiful” and intelligent?

I watch too many walk in and out of my life

No matter how hard I try to “fight” and accept the hand dealt to me..

I still lose…

 I’m tired of fucking losing…


Wtf does it take to win?! 

Being a good woman is not good enough..

Being highly sexual is exciting in the moment but pointless when sex is not involved…

I’ve been cheated on..,

Ignored..

Disrespected..

Disregarded…

And unwanted for far too long…

I gave up on love, marriage and commitment…

What more do I need to give up on?

life?! 

I’m tired of giving my heart to have it returned balled up, stabbed, and chewed up in return…

Spirit Guides guide me to happiness and love because I’m sick of misery, hurt and pain  

I’m tired of feeling alone and feeling pain and betrayal….

For once in my life, I am mute from sarcasm and from smiles 

 

Don’t

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Don’t piss on my head and tell me it’s raining..
Don’t shit in my grass and tell me the dog did it
Don’t shoot me in the chest and tell me im having a heart attack
Don’t tell me you love me when you know got damn well you hate me
Don’t stab me in my back and tell me someone else did it
Don’t look me in my fucking eyes and tell me it’s true when we both know it’s a lie.
Don’t think you are “God” and appear when you feel like it and think I will always be waiting.
Don’t confuse my loyal and love with stupidity and desperation.
Don’t worry about what I am doing but since you are curious….
I am doing well!
I am enjoying my life
I am living life
And I have moved on with my life
So the next time you want to call and say “hello”
Just know the number you used to know is no longer in service
In order to continue on my journey of happiness
I had to let go of the past
I don’t think of you
The “memories” of “you” and “us” have been erased
The funny thing is…. I thank you for being such of piece of shit
I thank you for being a liar
I thank you for being you
Because without engaging in your terrible characteristics
I would not have come to my sense

http://youtu.be/FHp2KgyQUFk