Dear Mommy Dearest,
I am writing this letter to you to let you know I am letting go of my past. My entire childhood and young adulthood I begged for your love, I begged for your acceptance. I always wanted you to be proud of me. I want to know from you that I was beautiful, that I was smart but most importantly, I wanted to know you loved me.
After I left home, I was damaged, scarred and lonely. I invested my time into wanting to be loved, wanting to be accepted and wanting to be beautiful that I victimized myself in hopes of fulfilling those needs.
Maybe you weren’t proud of me, maybe you truly didn’t love me and maybe I am/was ugly to you. But I always thought it was a mother’s duty to instill values, morals, love and things to make them grow up to better than they were at a young age.
You made me believe my dreams were stupid, you made me believe I would never be worthy of no man, love and success. I begged and I cried for your love and attention.
Even at 34, I am still begging for that.
The difference is this time, I’m learning to love me, I am learning to accept who I am and I am learning that because of you… I went most of my life with this black cloud over my head.
I’m done with storm and I just want you to know, I accept my childhood for what it was worth, I accept you as the only mother I knew growing up and I’m letting go of all of the negative attributes and pain, you caused me. I forgive you, I love you and now I’m letting go of my past.
I will no longer continue to harbor resentment for you. I will no longer continue to spend my life looking for acceptance and love from others. Because I am proud of the woman I became. Through all of the pain, the demons, and the storms. I survived! I made it! It wasn’t easy and my life still isn’t perfect but I am no longer a victim of my past….