You tell her you never loved her. You tell her you don't care for her. You tell her she is the reason your dick can't get hard. You tell her you hate her. You make fun of all of her physical flaws including her surgical scars and stretch marks. You make fun of the fact she is a survivor of abuse and call her a weak ass victim. You laugh her for not having a mom and dad like you. You make fun of her for being fat and having a gut. As you are spewing this vile to her face, she continues to stand tall, stand proud and stand strong Even though she wants to break down and cry….. She accepts your words with no violence She accepts knowing the truth of how the same man who once claimed to love her truly feel about her. The sad reality, she walks everyday of her life, ashamed of her flaws. Seeking to find love within herself to love herself as is. But in that process, she found herself, in this moment with someone who knew her battles and made sure to go in for the kill. There is no "I'm sorry" to heal the wounds of hearing a man who she thought was her "king" say to her she has no beauty, she has no worth, she is nothing and to even wish death on her.
Although she walked away, she now has to focus on healing and rebuilding herself and beg to God daily to never place another vile in her life or her next step will be suicide.
I came home from a hard day at work and balled up into a fetal position and cried.
Got damn it!
Why the fuck does life have to be so hard for me?
Why am I never recognized for the good, my hard work, and my dedication?
But let a mistake occur, and I am placed on a stake
And crucified like a bad witch
I offer my ears to those in need of venting
I offer words of encouragement to others
But in my need, I am alone
I hate the head space I am currently in
Because I want to rip my fucking skin off and I want to drain the blood from my veins with a knife and watch myself suffer amongst those who hate me most
I’m so fucking tired of being strong
It is making me feel week
I am so got damn sick of fighting
My hands can no longer make a fist
I am so fed up with trying to prove to others my worth
While other show and tell me how worthless I am
The thought of “all it takes is one bullet and to pull the trigger” sounds so heavenly right now
I have no purpose in this world
But to be a joke, a sucker, a loser and a waste of flesh
I was a success in those categories
Today I realized my adopted mother has been right about me all along
And I can’t go on as “Me” anymore
I’m too tired and I’m done
Happiness and love isn’t for everyone
I am living proof of this