After a night of heavy drinking, a woman and a man ventured to another bar in hopes of continuing their fun. The woman asked her man a question where he barked a response at her that made her silent, she walked away from embarrassment.
They reunited by the bar where he continued his verbal assassination against her. After so many words she clapped back, fighting tears that she was tired of being hurt.
He slapped her, took her phone, and keys. But she hid his car keys out of fear he would drive off and leave her there stranded.
He continued his verbal assassination by stating to her…. the reason his dick doesnt stay hard is because hes not sexually attracted to her, shes not beautiful and her pussy stinks.
He then attacked every physical flaw about her and kept announcing her as a “bitch”….an ugly bitch, a dirty bitch, a poor bitch, a bitch no real man wants.
He left her by a park crying. She walked around the waterfront area alone at 3am crying trying to pull herself together enough to find a way home since her phone was taken by him and the area nightlife was closed.
Many men saw her cry and turned a cheek to her. She walked to a nearby hotel still in tears where a lobby security guard called her a cab. The cab driver sae distraught state and decided to overcharge her. At this point, she felt defeated. She walked into the house, asked for her phone where she was greeted with more words of how much of a useless bitch she is. She turned around and verbally assaulted him in retaliation. He knew the details of her troubled home and past and used all of it as ammo to destroy what was left of her.
In that moment, holding back tears, she said to him “i may be damaged but i am not broken and you will not break me”.
She sat her drunk in a warm bath at 5:30 in the morning, quietly crying about the night.
When she woke up on the floor the next morning, he continued to verbally abuse her and told her she needed to get the fuck out, which he knew wasnt possible at that time. The woman and man are a black couple.
When you are black, you are told black people come from royalty. Black men were kings and warriors and black women were queens. If this theory is true, what was it about this woman that constantly made her worthless to so many beginning with her mother? She spent so much of her life WANTING to be wanted, to accepted but most importantly WANTING to be loved and valued. Is she not a queen? They say “in order to be loved, you have to love yourself” but how is that achievable when she was never shown, taught nor given love? She was raised to believed that she would be nothing in life and sadly, she couldve been so much more in life, but she believed it since so many in various stages of her life told her the same things.
She lives her life vicariously through others with no hopes of ever experiencing the love and lifestyle shes always wanted. She feels she doesnt deserve happiness and think love is not a real possibly for her and if it is, she doesnt feel she deserves it. Shes been through so many levels of abuse… spiritually, emotionally and physically that she now believes she hold no worth or value.
She forces herself to dream and fantasize about all the things she wished she had in her real life in hopes that one day the universe would grant her that one wish…
Until then…She will continue her journey…..
Shes a loner in this world who wishes she had girlfriends to turn to but sadly all she has ro rely on is her damaged soul and scorned heart.