Late Night Thought

As I lay on the couch I fantasize about a bondage encounter
As someone who was a dominatrix…I crave for my man to take the lead
It is so easy and so simple to suck, ride and fuck
But my fantasies want more
I guess from my life its not typical to come across a black female
Enjoys the thrill of being submissive
Who enjoys a man who can dominate
A man whose not afraid to fuck rough….borderline violent
A man who chokes me from behind as he fucks me hard…almost violently
A man who understands how much I love control so he challenges me
By making me submissive
Men think its sexy for a woman to call him “daddy”
Fuck I don’t fuck my daddy so that doesn’t turn me on
Save that bullshit for an inexperience sexual partner
I love to be tied up, bent over and spanked
I enjoy oral and am talented enough to know he will not be able to stop or control his orgasm
I love to have my hair or weave pull
I love sex swings
I hate boring sex
But yet I don’t engage in threesomes
In my opinion, I love one on one sexual encounters
And I love a man to makes it his duty to ensure
I’m sexually satisfied
Because I make sure my sexual victims w
alk away with thoughts of me for all eternity

Sometimes I sit back and think on my life thus far and cry over the situation I put myself in
I wanted to be liked and loved so bad… I forgot to love myself
I hear people say “i love you”‘, “you are a great woman” and “you’re beautiful”
But yet people have treated me so ugly, unwanted and unneeded.
I remember a time growing, looking at other girls and women
Wishing I was them or wishing to look like them
Psychologically, I have been so screwed, I forgot my own worth
I sold myself to others at the price of fool’s gold
But yet I wanted others to see me as a rare, beautiful, exotic jewel.
In life, nothing is guaranteed but death
But I will be damned if I let others continue to devalue me
As a cancer patient whose remission fluctuates
I need to value each day I am given.
I was afraid of life just as much as I was afraid of dying
And during those times….
I made myself mentally crazy.
I still blame a lot of my thought process on not being loved growing up
But I am a work in progress
I wouldn’t say I believe in “God”
But I do believe in a higher being
And no matter how much “humans” given up on me….
My guardian angels believe in me
I never wanted to be alone in life
But whatever is destined to be will be.
I just want to remain in remission
Hear the magical words “You are cancer free”
And remain in that state.
I promise be stay emotionally happiness
And stop allowing others to steal my joy
Maybe one day love will find me
Until then…..(if it ever happens) I want to continue to love, respect and honor me
I miss being a happy, ball busting, laugn out loud, sarcastic, smartass with wit so sharp even the best quality knife idolizes me
I will be back…I promise!

Kenya Moore…The Woman I Never Want to Be…..

A woman should consider investing in a cat instead of investing in lying and fake relationships.

How dare you sit on any forum talking about other women when your life is messier than the combined ratchet years of Jerry Springer?

You talk about how other women are jealous of you because of who you are but yet there is more to any woman than just booty and beauty. (You are living proof of that).

You shamed women like Portia and Phaedra because of their chosen men and lifestyles but yet you can’t keep a man…

Instead of searching the catalogues of sperm donors maybe you should search the catalogs of your health insurance and find yourself a psycho therapist.
Because it is obvious there’s a mental illness that lives under all of those layers of makeup, acne and wigs… oh I’m sorry let me correct myself…weaves.

You live in a make believe world that makes you think you are a unicorn or a queen of some magical place from far, far away.

Unfortunately, it takes situation like Portia snatching your ass off of the couch during last season’s reunion to snap some “reality” into you.

You forge more relationships than Apollo forged checks.
What happened to your “married African” prince?
Did if offer you a settlement to stay the fuck away from him?
What really happened to your “beloved” dog? Did he/she/it commit suicide because it could no longer stand your mentally ill ass?
You keep bragging about “these men” in your life
but yet “these men” don’t claim your asses or go on to marry others especially white women….
It’s time you take a bite of “humble” pie and realize
I’m sick of women like you being broadcast on “Reality” TV.
There is nothing wrong with admitting you have a mental illness. There are many women who battled it and learn to deal and survive with it.
Take ownership of it.
And stop faking relationships.
You have successfully faked 4 relationships (that I’ve counted) and every time you have been left in the media’s eye looking like a fucking dumbass….