“Juanita” Under Construction

I’ve been under construction for some time. Attempting to finish the renovations of a “new” me. I’ve been under a spiritual attack and didnt realize it. So I needed to shut myself off from most of the world to undergo the changes and renovations needed to revamp who I am physically, spirituality and emotionally. During this redevelopment I lost some contractors (“friends”), fired lazy employees (people who don’t really give a shit) and knocked down walls to make the “space” (me) more open, sunny and bright. Before this renovation started I felt condemned and didn’t think it was possible to turn a rundown building (soul) into something so luxurious but I did it with the help of the spirits and spiritual guidance. Moral of this post:  Never think you are to condemned to be refurbished and/or renovated. Its an expensive investment (not speaking in terms of money) but once its completed…your values makes you feel like you’re worth millions. Now time to renovate my “love”, “marriage”, “success” and “finances

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BTW: THE PHOTO DOESNT GO WITH THE POST BUT I LOVE IT LOL

Rebirth 

  

Nothing wrong with admitting when you are wrong. But what’s the point of “I’m sorry” when you turn around and make the same mistakes? Sometimes you feel bad for what you’ve said and done, but real growth comes from working on the negative. For so long, I’ve been so negative due to past experiences that I was unaware I carried a storm cloud over my head and hurt others because I was hurting. When I turned 35, I let it all go. Now that I’m storm cloud free. I am ready to experience real love, a positive love that I never allowed myself to feel. I, no longer, care what has happened in the past. I am now living in the moment and looking forward to the future. I am able to smile brighter now and know my smile comes from joy, I am able to laugh until my stomach hurts. I finally experienced the rebirth I’ve craved for years now. I am a new and better version of who I once was and I’m in love with myself and life. I am completely at peace with my past and hold no bitter, hatred or the need to rehash anything that has happened. #spiritualgrowth #mentalgrowth #love #happiness 

Sometimes I sit back and think on my life thus far and cry over the situation I put myself in
I wanted to be liked and loved so bad… I forgot to love myself
I hear people say “i love you”‘, “you are a great woman” and “you’re beautiful”
But yet people have treated me so ugly, unwanted and unneeded.
I remember a time growing, looking at other girls and women
Wishing I was them or wishing to look like them
Psychologically, I have been so screwed, I forgot my own worth
I sold myself to others at the price of fool’s gold
But yet I wanted others to see me as a rare, beautiful, exotic jewel.
In life, nothing is guaranteed but death
But I will be damned if I let others continue to devalue me
As a cancer patient whose remission fluctuates
I need to value each day I am given.
I was afraid of life just as much as I was afraid of dying
And during those times….
I made myself mentally crazy.
I still blame a lot of my thought process on not being loved growing up
But I am a work in progress
I wouldn’t say I believe in “God”
But I do believe in a higher being
And no matter how much “humans” given up on me….
My guardian angels believe in me
I never wanted to be alone in life
But whatever is destined to be will be.
I just want to remain in remission
Hear the magical words “You are cancer free”
And remain in that state.
I promise be stay emotionally happiness
And stop allowing others to steal my joy
Maybe one day love will find me
Until then…..(if it ever happens) I want to continue to love, respect and honor me
I miss being a happy, ball busting, laugn out loud, sarcastic, smartass with wit so sharp even the best quality knife idolizes me
I will be back…I promise!