I’ve been drinking and drinking a lot
The numbness soothes my soul
The numbness soothes my heart.
Some people are blessed to be fucked up individuals
But Juanita is not
I am shunned for not being perfect
I am shunned for being a fighter
I am shunned for giving a fuck about others
My mouth is numb
My thoughts are racing
My world is rotating at a faster than lightening speed
Why must I suffer?
Why I must I care?
Why must I be the one to give a shit?!
When you care, you get hurt
When you love, you get shitted on
When you vent, you are petty
When you walk away, you are evil
Alcohol is my real true friend
It stops the tears from falling
It numbs the heart from caring
People want to say “I’m crazy”
But the truth is its not me…
Never turn about one someone who supports you..
Never turn your back on someone who cares..
Never assume my value is fool’s gold
And never for a second assume..you are better than me…
I don’t come from anything..
And my life has a lie…
But I have played the cards of life bestowed upon me..
And have buffed a poker table full of professionals…
I have battled real shit in my life..
While most have battled stupid shit…
Through it out…
I have maintained..grace, knowledge, strength, wisdom and intelligence…
I see the things written about me and I don’t care..
You don’t a real struggle until you have battled and defeated cancer, you have sampled being homeless
And through it all..you have maintained a level of sanity to conquer some fucked up experiences in life..
I maybe never know what being normal is…
I may never experience true love and happiness
But the few things I know is..battling,fighting,conquering and surviving….
So fuck your “pettiness” and your need for attention..
There are some real people, experiencing real issues…..
And no matter what life hands them…
They find a way to succeed…
Without or without support…
Never for a second think you need anyone to be your strength…
Strength comes from and from within comes “fight” and through comes “conquer”
So let people call you a “liar” and let people call you “weak”
Use their bullshit as Ammo to succeed…
And laugh at those who shitted on you and turned their backs as you gloriously achieve the top…..
Fuck them and do you even if it requires you doing it alone….