Relish Rudd

Pray for our children

As a woman who was kidnapped as a child I am glad My abductor kidnapped me because she was unable to bare her own children and wanted a chance at motherhood..even though my abductor abused me and attempted to harm me I am truly grateful to be alive today. The picture that you see is of a beautiful little girl who was kidnapped some time ago. If you live in the DC Metro area then this angel’s face is familiar to you. About two weeks ago a woman was killed in a motel. The woman killed was the ex-wife of the man who abducted this little girl. An amber alert was issued for the vehicle the murderer and the child was last seen in…the car has since been recovered but the child remains missing…a 51 year man, by the name Tatum, was a janitor at a homeless shelter where Relisha (little girl shown) and her mom lived. The little girl was missing a few days before the mother thought to report her missing, the child seen comfortable in the presence of this man, who I am beginning to believe was her dad. In the surveillance video they showed of Relisha and this man, she had no fear. Kind of in the fashion a little girl walking with her daddy would have. New evidence has surfaced that Tatum called the little girl’s school pretending to be a doctor and stating she has not been in school due to her being sick. I find it hard to believe that an elementary school would honor a doctor’s call without requesting proper documentation…the mother sits in front of the media with fake concern and care but is bold enough to think she is innocent in the matter and it’s not her fault that her daughter was kidnapped. This trifling bitch belongs in jail. She sits on IG talking about living her life, liking and commenting on her friends photos. But her child is missing. During the news coverage of this story, I started to notice how much the little girl favors the man who kidnapped her. Could he be her father? And if he is, why would he kidnap his own child? Personally if this monster was capable to kill his ex-wife in a motel I believe he killed this precious little girl. He was caught on camera buying trash bags and lime…..I hope he is caught soon and the mother needs to be arrested and charged with neglect and being an accessory to kidnapping and if they find the child dead…the mother should also face murder charges. This world has gone mad when innocent children are killed for no reason. To Relisha Rudd’s mother may satan make you his personal bitch n torture you and your soul for all eternity!

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Personal Thought

The more I try to succeed the less successful I become. The more I try to make others happy the more sadness comes my way. The more I try to love the more I experience hate. What is in life that I am doing so wrong that I am not entitled to happiness? Sometimes I sit and watch how people portray themselves to be happy, “blessed” and loved and wonder what could I have done so wrong in life to not experience the same? Even though I feel proud to make others happy. I wished others strived to make me happy. I’m tired of standing alone, I am tired of being my own personal supporter, friend, family, etc., I think I finally understand why people commit suicide. It gets to a point when self love is not enough love. Loneliness feel like a category 5 hurricane…destructive! I want to enjoy my life while I’m still alive but how can I…when I’m not happy?

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A Sexual Thought

The feel of your warm tongue
as it slides over my clit
making me moan
making my pussy drip
do it again baby
don’t stop
slide your tongue up and down
and dip it into the warm silky pool that’s building in my pussy
taste and drink all you want
it never runs dry
make me scream with pleasure
hold me on the egde of orgasam
draw me close then let me calm down a little
but only just a little
let my pussy
tight and wet
feel your throbbing cock of steel
sliding in and out before you make me cum
when you’ve plunged it deep again and again
draw it out slow
let me lick the dripping juice
while you eat my pussy somemore
let me slide the tip of my tongue in and out
of the eye I’ve stretched just a bit
I’ll make circles with my tongue
inside the sensative walls of that delicious eye (the tip of that beautiful brown dick)
and as you wimper and suck my clit hard
I’ll suck your cock deep and hard
down my throat
not letting you go
until at last you’ve filled my mouth
with my favorite drink
so warm and sweet
dip your tongue while your shooting your load
into my aching pussy
lick my g-spot hard and fast
until I explode
then suck my juice
just as i’ve sucked yours
drink it to the very last drop
when your drained of my favorite drink
I’ll suck you hard again
so my hungry wet pussy
so thirsty for cum
can have the next drink
and drain you once again

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Remission Anniversary

This time of year is emotional for me. In 2011, I was diagnosed with stomach cancer and since it was only borderline stage 2, I was confident my recovery would be easy. I decided to continue working and if even I couldn’t I had a secure savings to hold me down until I returned to work. The shock I discovered is my full coverage insurance didn’t cover cancer treatment which meant out of pocket expenses. Treatment was so harsh on my body that I was always too weak and too sick to even stand. I don’t have family that I can lean on and my “true friends” so it was so outrageous to be 30 with cancer that it took too much energy to make them understand that I cut ties with them. So there I was fighting for my life alone. I would sneak out of treatment to drive myself home because I was alone. The guy I was seeing at the time was so mentally draining and waste of my time. I lied to him about “being healed” and dumping him in the same sentence. As the months went on my bank account dwindled down to the point that I had to decide on paying bills or paying for treatment to live. I chose to live. I remember waking up one morning feeling “alive” I walked out the door to see my car had been taken from me, then got an unexpected message letting me know the place I called “home” was no longer “home”. I remember sitting at the table crying so hard and so loud, I had the worse headache after the emotional fit. I had no money, I had no resources, or anyone I could ask to borrow money from. I gave up on everything life represented. I headed to treatment that morning trying to decide what other options was available to me for financial assistance for treatment and for life. The doctor and nurse walked in and all I could think was “great, now they are here to tell me I’m dying” they smiled and congratulated me for being in remission. What joyous words to hear, you would think! But I was so afraid of what comes next that it took a minute for me to digest what was said. I left my doctor with relief. So now that I survived cancer how was I going to “survive”?? I pushed myself to find a job, I accepted temp assignments, and pretty much starved myself as a way to save extra money to move. For the first time in my life I was struggling and battling depression at the same time. When I was unable to find an apartment I could afford and was willing to accept my declining credit…I started looking into shelters. Thankfully, an angel was watching over me and kept me from going into a shelter. I woke up this morning feeling so emotional because today marks 2 years of being in remission. I’m not back on my feet and comfortable like I used to be but I am thankful for the obstacles I overcame without losing my mind literally. I don’t wish that “struggle” on anyone but just know no matter what struggle you go through you can always fight your way out as long as you don’t give up. Happy Remission Anniversary to myself and those whose won the battle against cancer!

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Understand

Understand I am a woman with feelings and opinions. Understand I am a strong minded woman that knows whAt she wants and what she expects from others. Please note because I am of woman with strong opinions and ideas of what i want don’t mistake me for being over aggressive or being the “typical black woman” it means I know and value my worth and know what it is I am willing to accept and compromise. I’ve had the pleasure of watching many people guest star on my reality show called “My Life” and once your contract ends there is no room for negotiations or future appearances on my show. I’ve given people too much power to occupy my time and my emotions when their feelings and intentions weren’t real. As I approach my 33rd birthday in two weeks..I am done accepting less than or unworthy people. Whether you were a friend, family member, lover or enemy….your destination ends at the bottom of the cliff. There is not enough time on this earth to make a grown man with the mind of a horny 18 yr old be a man. There is no time to rekindle friendships with double crossing friends…there is no time to waste on people and situations that doesn’t make Juanita a happy and positive “Priority”…

Black beauty

I am sitting here looking at myself in the mirror and reminiscing how far I’ve come with “self-acceptance”. I remember a time when I couldn’t face myself in the mirror. I hated the ugly dark skinned black bitch who stood before me so much that on several occasions I would destroy my mirrors in hopes of destroying her. It didn’t help much having a mother who always told me “my blackness will never be beautiful”. She complained how I was too dark, my head was too big and how ugly I was. My mom would even go to the extremes to point out other little girls who she thought was beautiful and wished they were her daughter instead of me…(did I mention I’m adopted?) I read the book “the bluest eye”. By Toni Morrison and found myself relating to the little girl in the book. I always enjoyed writing and wrote a prayer to god asking him for blue eyes, light skin, dimples and curly hair and despised god for a long time for hating me so much he refused to answer my prayers. I didn’t have many blacks friends so I hoped that by hanging around other nationalities some of their characteristics would rub off on me. Needless to say it didn’t happen lol. I fought for so many years trying to accept my darkness, my big head and lips and it doesn’t help when the media especially black media and stars idolizes the beauty of light skinned women. I’ve even considered bleaching my skin. One morning I woke up with a “fuck it” attitude and decided every morning I would look at myself in mirror and tell myself “I am beautiful” and “being dark is not ugly”. I swear being me ain’t easy. But no matter what others think of me…”My Caribbean Black is BEAUTIFUL”

My Confession…..

Lent season is upon us and part of being a good catholic is confessing….so here is my confession……

All my life I struggle with wanting to be accepted, loved and respected to the point I’ve allowed so many people to disrespect me. I take pride of who I am and accepting the cards I’ve been dealt and honestly I give so much gratitude to the universe for allowing me to make it through so many situations while still maintaining my sanity and my strength even at times of defeat. I am not angel but I’m no demon..I accept the fact that I am not perfect nor do I ever try to achieve perfection…I struggled beyond my means for so many things…I found through abuse, depression, cancer and self hatred and begging society and the world to see me as a beautiful, black, strong willed woman. Through all of my accomplishments I stand alone with no one to congratulate me, no one to catch me when I’ve fallen, no one to utter the three magical words “I love you” that suppose to mean so much. Still I stand with my head above water on the outside but slowly drowning within. But I don’t give up on understanding the meaning of “life, love and understanding” I just hope the universe will stop punishing me and grant me the “fruits” of happiness I have been seeking so desperately for most of my life….this is my confession….what is yours?