Syria

I thought we voted Obama in office because we were a country desperately seeking a change? We were a country tired of wars, inflations and recessions. But today proved our First black President who had a plan to “bring our troops” home and to stop wars is no better or different than Bush. We are raging a war against a terrorist country who uses chemical warfare on its ppl. But what is the term our country uses for the “terrorism” they are bestowing upon us? Our air and water supple is contaminated, our food is poisoned (GMO), our own govt is killing us (911?) but yet we are trying to save others? How about we save ourselves for once? First off by challenging and outlawing the Federal reserve…we are the “richest” country but yet our money holds no value in other countries and we don’t own our own money…I voted for a fucking changed…And i expect that “Change” for the better. The only thing that has “changed” is the color of our president’s skin. this war in Syria is not necessary. we will bomb this country for control, gain the country, train  “terrorist” w/ our military to build them to be greater terrorist than they already are. i guess this is the “supply n demand” concept I learned in school. I guess Mr. President didn’t  watch the video of Syria’s soldier cutting open the body of a dead soldier and eating the decease’s liver and heart  I If Baba Vega’s prophecy holds truth…. This country is fucked! 

Things I see from my own Eyes

A world so heartless and cold, we live by greed and not by need. We step on those we think are beneath us and laugh at those we think are funny. We worship a man (our God) who was a homeless prophet but turn our heads n our backs on his starving children. We dance to music that degrade us and watch shows that portray us in the dimmest light they can find but yet we reward these things to fit in and ignore the things that uplifts us. Every man/woman brag about being a child of “God” but yet so many live their lives like a child of Satan. Jesus and Mother Mary weep tears not from joy but from the pain we show them. Our children are lost in this world with no proper guidance or bright lights to guide them right and we question “how did we go so wrong”?? Social media has been the bridge to bring a world so far apart together. But rage, anger and hatred is slowly burning that bridge and causing a gap so wide that little by little people have been swallowed. Maybe this is why the Myans predicted the end in 2012. Because they saw the self destruction within ourselves and they know there is no hope for rebuilding. Men are stuck on the size of a woman’s booty to see what’s suppose to matter her true beauty…the beauty that comes from within and shines out. Women are so stuck on the man w/ the tightest whips, clothes and what financial attributes he can offer that they settle for less than..some way, somehow we all need to come together. MLK fought for equality not so we can destroy the teachings he taught. If this world was still segregated would my community/ my people still be this lost or would we be united as one? We self hate ourselves and our race because of the color of our skins..she/he’s too blk. Rebones are better, I don’t want a nappy head child, etc., we are all beautiful no matter the color of our skin, our creed or nationality. These are things I see w/ my own eyes.

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The “hate” of the mind can be far worse than the “hate” of the heart. When we “hate” from the heart, we end up with remorse and trying to correct a “mistake” that we’ve made but when you hate from your mind, it consumes you like a black hole and with no emotion there is no remorse or correction to be made. They always said to listen to your heart instead of the voices in your head. For your heart guides you in the right direction and your mind can lead you to a road of destruction… 

They say my words are cold as ice and can cut so deep it feels like a knife. My words are a reaction to your actions. I tell people to think of me a mirror…what you reflect to me I reflect back to you. So if you don’t like how I’m acting or responding to you then its time to check yourself and understand you are the cause. If this is too hard for you to understand don’t get upset when I treat you like the moron you’re so stuck on acting like.

I’m Tired

Everyone has always looked at me and thought of me as being strong. My strength came from fucked life experiences where I had no choice but to be strong or fold to the hatred n anger around. But some people get to a point when being strong is not enough anymore. I’ve cried so many tears that eyes respond to me “bitch please”. My heart doesn’t know what its like to experience love for everytime it has entered my life its caused me the greatest pain. I try to be positive and look forward to a better and happier future. But in return my dreams, my hopes n my desires are taken from me. I hide my pain through my rough exterior and through my sarcasm but lately I’ve discovered “i’m tired”. I’ve given up on love, I’ve given up on friendship, I’ve given up “trying”. What is life without love and no one to share it with? What is a life full of disappointments and rejections?? What is life when you spend most of your time here “fighting” and trying to be accepted? My life!

Mommy Dearest

I wrote an emotional status on FB today in honor of my “mother’s” birthday. The status was “Wishing the woman who kidnapped me from my real family, raised me as her own, abused me and tried to destroy me a very happy 76th birthday…..Hope mummy dearest aka satan’s minion enjoy her special day” I received scrutiny from my fb friends saying “we folks think this does not need to be displayed on fb” But  yet people write about getting “turntup” “Turntdown”, being “horny” etc., This may not be the greatest choice of words but it’s an emotion i felt about my mom in rememberance of her birthday. i havent talked to my mom since the day i found out the truth as to who i was and truth be told I have no interest in a “relationship” with her. Everyone always talks of forgiveness…especially forgiving those who have mistreated us. I tried on several occasions to forgive and maintained a relationship with this woman but the day the truth was revealed…she told me i was so fucking ugly nobody wanted me, i am nothing but a whore just like my mother, and i should be thankful somebody (her) wanted my nappy headed ugly ass and she should’ve left me in the dirt she found me in etc., etc., that moment i felt like a vampire who had a stake placed in my heart. I accepted my mother’s “facts” of me for many years. my mom reminded me everyday how fucking ugly i was, i told her my dreams and she turned them into nightmares. i grew up suicidal, i feared looking in mirrors, i feared walking with my head held high because i didn’t want my “ugliness” revealed to the world,  so i walked staring at the ground. i envied pretty girls, and wished everyday i could be them. i hated God for making me so ugly. i created this world in my head to escape my harsh reality. i hated being black especially dark-skinned and black. i was molested as a child on several occasions and my mom told me it didn’t happened, i was able to explain to her how to give a blowjob based off of how my molester taught it to me. she beat me senseless. I tried to tell myself maybe it was the effect of the drugs my mom was on….i think the only drug she didn’t do was marijuana. she abused me to much it became normal and when i wouldn’t shed tears and only “made noise” from it she turned the level of abuse up another notch. Because of her i tried my hands at suicide, i was morbidly depressed, and i enjoyed the abusive relationship in my early 20s. the beautiful thing about a man abusing you is after the attack he would say “i love you” or would buy me things even though he made it known i deserved the beating.  

 

i wonder if the “we folks” of fb would’ve “like” my status more had i included a naked photo of myself”??? hmmmm

Blog Life

Bloggers are the greatest liars ( I mean story tellers) next to fairy tales. They have a way with words that can tell a story….that can make you can you believe or even fall in love but if you knew that blogger in person would you still be a devoted follower??