Mommy Dearest

I wrote an emotional status on FB today in honor of my “mother’s” birthday. The status was “Wishing the woman who kidnapped me from my real family, raised me as her own, abused me and tried to destroy me a very happy 76th birthday…..Hope mummy dearest aka satan’s minion enjoy her special day” I received scrutiny from my fb friends saying “we folks think this does not need to be displayed on fb” But  yet people write about getting “turntup” “Turntdown”, being “horny” etc., This may not be the greatest choice of words but it’s an emotion i felt about my mom in rememberance of her birthday. i havent talked to my mom since the day i found out the truth as to who i was and truth be told I have no interest in a “relationship” with her. Everyone always talks of forgiveness…especially forgiving those who have mistreated us. I tried on several occasions to forgive and maintained a relationship with this woman but the day the truth was revealed…she told me i was so fucking ugly nobody wanted me, i am nothing but a whore just like my mother, and i should be thankful somebody (her) wanted my nappy headed ugly ass and she should’ve left me in the dirt she found me in etc., etc., that moment i felt like a vampire who had a stake placed in my heart. I accepted my mother’s “facts” of me for many years. my mom reminded me everyday how fucking ugly i was, i told her my dreams and she turned them into nightmares. i grew up suicidal, i feared looking in mirrors, i feared walking with my head held high because i didn’t want my “ugliness” revealed to the world,  so i walked staring at the ground. i envied pretty girls, and wished everyday i could be them. i hated God for making me so ugly. i created this world in my head to escape my harsh reality. i hated being black especially dark-skinned and black. i was molested as a child on several occasions and my mom told me it didn’t happened, i was able to explain to her how to give a blowjob based off of how my molester taught it to me. she beat me senseless. I tried to tell myself maybe it was the effect of the drugs my mom was on….i think the only drug she didn’t do was marijuana. she abused me to much it became normal and when i wouldn’t shed tears and only “made noise” from it she turned the level of abuse up another notch. Because of her i tried my hands at suicide, i was morbidly depressed, and i enjoyed the abusive relationship in my early 20s. the beautiful thing about a man abusing you is after the attack he would say “i love you” or would buy me things even though he made it known i deserved the beating.  

 

i wonder if the “we folks” of fb would’ve “like” my status more had i included a naked photo of myself”??? hmmmm

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One thought on “Mommy Dearest

  1. johncoyote says:

    My mother was raped by her Uncle. In the end. She had to take care of him. This sicken her. Bad people are many. We must try to do better. I had a lot of bad examples. Taught me to try to be better. I hope and agree there is a bad place to go for people who hurt children or adults.Thank you for sharing your the story. Good to release to paper. Sort of release for some of the pain and hurt.

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