The Moment of Truth

You tell her you never loved her.
You tell her you don't care for her.
You tell her she is the reason your dick can't get hard.
You tell her you hate her.
You make fun of all of her physical flaws including her surgical scars and stretch marks.
You make fun of the fact she is a survivor of abuse and call her a weak ass victim.
You laugh her for not having a mom and dad like you.
You make fun of her for being fat and having a gut.
As you are spewing this vile to her face, she continues to stand tall, stand proud and stand strong
Even though she wants to break down and cry…..
She accepts your words with no violence
She accepts knowing the truth of how the same man who once claimed to love her truly feel about her.
The sad reality, she walks everyday of her life, ashamed of her flaws.
Seeking to find love within herself to love herself as is.
But in that process, she found herself, in this moment with someone who knew her battles and made sure to go in for the kill.
There is no "I'm sorry" to heal the wounds of hearing a man who she thought was her "king" say to her she has no beauty, she has no worth, she is nothing and to even wish death on her.

Although she walked away, she now has to focus on healing and rebuilding herself and beg to God daily to never place another vile in her life or her next step will be suicide.

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A Heartfelt Letter to the Universe

Dear Universe,

It is me Juanita. I write this letter to you to say I am ready for love, commitment and happiness. I know there are people out here who do not want to see me happy so they try to use spiritual attacks and root work against me. I no longer care to be in the “eye” of them. I care to be happy and enjoy life. It is my destiny to be happy, successful, and living life to the fullest and I will do so. Please bless me with my true love, protect me from others’ evils, and open the paths I was truly destined to travel. I apologize for hurting others, I apologize for the mistakes I’ve made in life and I don’t care what has transpired with people and situations in my past. I want success in love, career, health and life. For some time now the spirits have tried to warn me but i was too afraid of their presences to listen. But now I hear and see all of the things you were trying to say. Thank you for the signs and thank you for the encounters with gifted humans, dreams and spiritual encounters during the witching hours. Please universe continue to keep me aware while blessing and guiding me down the path of life success. I honor you, I praise you and I thank you.

Love, Peace, Life and Happiness,

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Juanita

November 1 ConfessionĀ 

  

The universe has always tried to removed the negative people from my life but due to my co-dependency, my insecurities and my fear of being alone, I fought against it and felt I could change people. People have walked in and out of my life because they knew they could. They knew they could leave and come back whenever they wanted and be accepted every time with opened arms. I’ve always been vocal about my fears, my feelings and my emotions to anyone who is willing to listen and people always used it against me because They knew how much I wanted so badly to be loved and accepted. The past few weeks have been great for me! I no longer carry other people’s burden, I no longer stress myself out over shit I can’t control and I no longer hold resentment or hurt in my heart and mind for anyone. I didn’t realize these people only entered my life to use me, to abuse me and to take me for granted. Even though I still want love and acceptance, I will no longer accept “ANYTHING” or the very minimal from anyone just to have a temporary fulfillment. I will no longer lay my head in depression and cry myself to sleep over people who don’t cry for me and over things I can’t control. My life still isn’t perfect and I am still dealing with temporary roadblocks. But I am comfortable in my skin, I believe in myself, I am confident as to who I am and what I’ve come from and I know my worth and my intelligence. I pray to the universe to block those who only want to use me and hurt me and I ask the universe to to continue to teach me that everyone isn’t an enemy and it’s OK to love, smile and be happy. This is my 1st of the month confession and progress report. I’m growing and I’m glowing! 

Help Me!

My heart always breaks when the words “it’s over” is spoken. But I never invest much of myself as I should when it comes to love. I am a broken soul who cries for love and acceptance but when it is bestowed upon me…I find a way out. Why is my heart so cold and my feelings so numb and what can I do to break free from this black hole? I get it universe, “I” stop “Me” from happiness and wealth. Now universe I am asking you to help me get through this so I can experience happiness, joy, and life…. And when it presents its face to me make me ready, able and receptive to receive it, appreciate it and enjoy it. I am officially ready to live