November 1 Confession 

  

The universe has always tried to removed the negative people from my life but due to my co-dependency, my insecurities and my fear of being alone, I fought against it and felt I could change people. People have walked in and out of my life because they knew they could. They knew they could leave and come back whenever they wanted and be accepted every time with opened arms. I’ve always been vocal about my fears, my feelings and my emotions to anyone who is willing to listen and people always used it against me because They knew how much I wanted so badly to be loved and accepted. The past few weeks have been great for me! I no longer carry other people’s burden, I no longer stress myself out over shit I can’t control and I no longer hold resentment or hurt in my heart and mind for anyone. I didn’t realize these people only entered my life to use me, to abuse me and to take me for granted. Even though I still want love and acceptance, I will no longer accept “ANYTHING” or the very minimal from anyone just to have a temporary fulfillment. I will no longer lay my head in depression and cry myself to sleep over people who don’t cry for me and over things I can’t control. My life still isn’t perfect and I am still dealing with temporary roadblocks. But I am comfortable in my skin, I believe in myself, I am confident as to who I am and what I’ve come from and I know my worth and my intelligence. I pray to the universe to block those who only want to use me and hurt me and I ask the universe to to continue to teach me that everyone isn’t an enemy and it’s OK to love, smile and be happy. This is my 1st of the month confession and progress report. I’m growing and I’m glowing! 

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INNER THOUGHTS

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Through my eyes I see that love is pain

Through my eyes, I am not allowed to make mistakes

Through my eyes, I have no beauty

Through my eyes, I see I have no soul

Through my eyes, I don’t believe in love

In my heart, I don’t believe in happiness

No matter how strong I stand, there is always someone waiting to knock me down

I hate my heart for offering any care

I hate my mind for always thinking of others

I hate myself for allowing anyone to make me feel the way I do

I hate my wall for allowing anyone, especially enemies to climb over

They say you can’t experience joy without pain

But I think the “joy” comes in seeing others in pain

I dedicated myself to seeing others happy

At a cost of sacrificing myself, my happiness and my joy

I don’t know what “happiness” feels like

I don’t know what it is to be in love or to truly be loved

To say “I love you” is nothing but meaningless words

Especially when your actions show me nothing but hate and disappointment

I think people assume because you come from pain

You are stupid enough to accept disrespect, unhappiness, more sadness and more pain

Just like you, I am human too.

Just like you, I want finer things in life

Just like you, I want to be happy and enjoy life

Just like you, I don’t want to be hurt.

But I do have an issue with inflicting pain on others

I do have an issue with testing people’s loyalty

I do experience times where my heart is cold

I do have moments where I am selfish too

No matter how many things I’ve gone through in life

I am still human just like you