Struggle Rant

Everyday I try to remain strong in hopes that a blessing would bestowed upon me. Sometimes I question that “realness” of “God” and his followers and believers called “Christians”. Anyone who is ever been in need I’ve always helped without asking for anything in return but a simple thank you. But now that I am in a financial crisis..everyone wants to offer me a prayer or they feel sorry for me. I watch my “family” and “friends” brag about thousand dollar bags, shoes and clothes but when I asked for assistance everyone is broke or going through hard times. But when their asses needed food, shelter, and money I’ve never hesitated. I read in the newspaper about people being blessed with random acts of kindness and financial assistance… But who are “they” and how do I find “them”?? Until a blessing occur (which I doubt) I will try to remain strong and positive and keep my eyes dry…

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Relish Rudd

Pray for our children

As a woman who was kidnapped as a child I am glad My abductor kidnapped me because she was unable to bare her own children and wanted a chance at motherhood..even though my abductor abused me and attempted to harm me I am truly grateful to be alive today. The picture that you see is of a beautiful little girl who was kidnapped some time ago. If you live in the DC Metro area then this angel’s face is familiar to you. About two weeks ago a woman was killed in a motel. The woman killed was the ex-wife of the man who abducted this little girl. An amber alert was issued for the vehicle the murderer and the child was last seen in…the car has since been recovered but the child remains missing…a 51 year man, by the name Tatum, was a janitor at a homeless shelter where Relisha (little girl shown) and her mom lived. The little girl was missing a few days before the mother thought to report her missing, the child seen comfortable in the presence of this man, who I am beginning to believe was her dad. In the surveillance video they showed of Relisha and this man, she had no fear. Kind of in the fashion a little girl walking with her daddy would have. New evidence has surfaced that Tatum called the little girl’s school pretending to be a doctor and stating she has not been in school due to her being sick. I find it hard to believe that an elementary school would honor a doctor’s call without requesting proper documentation…the mother sits in front of the media with fake concern and care but is bold enough to think she is innocent in the matter and it’s not her fault that her daughter was kidnapped. This trifling bitch belongs in jail. She sits on IG talking about living her life, liking and commenting on her friends photos. But her child is missing. During the news coverage of this story, I started to notice how much the little girl favors the man who kidnapped her. Could he be her father? And if he is, why would he kidnap his own child? Personally if this monster was capable to kill his ex-wife in a motel I believe he killed this precious little girl. He was caught on camera buying trash bags and lime…..I hope he is caught soon and the mother needs to be arrested and charged with neglect and being an accessory to kidnapping and if they find the child dead…the mother should also face murder charges. This world has gone mad when innocent children are killed for no reason. To Relisha Rudd’s mother may satan make you his personal bitch n torture you and your soul for all eternity!

Personal Thought

The more I try to succeed the less successful I become. The more I try to make others happy the more sadness comes my way. The more I try to love the more I experience hate. What is in life that I am doing so wrong that I am not entitled to happiness? Sometimes I sit and watch how people portray themselves to be happy, “blessed” and loved and wonder what could I have done so wrong in life to not experience the same? Even though I feel proud to make others happy. I wished others strived to make me happy. I’m tired of standing alone, I am tired of being my own personal supporter, friend, family, etc., I think I finally understand why people commit suicide. It gets to a point when self love is not enough love. Loneliness feel like a category 5 hurricane…destructive! I want to enjoy my life while I’m still alive but how can I…when I’m not happy?

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Cancer

You were more abusive than jealous boyfriend. Your healing ways were more painful and draining than Ike’s abuse to Tina was. But I fought you head on knowing at any moment I could lose this fight but I stayed determined, I fought you during my darkest hour, I fought you during a time when I had no support nor friendships and everyone assume you were made up. You weren’t welcomed and that explains why you forced yourself upon me. To battle you I lost everything….my identity, my money, my mind and my will power. You were a disease far worse than alcoholism and drug addiction. Treatment was more sickening than a junkie’s first night in detox. But I made it through your storm. I cry sometimes at the pain you caused the struggles I endured, the occasions where I had to decide whether I would pay for treatment n be homeless or continue my comfy life n succumb to you. The sad truth, I was really torn between the two. I cried so much out of fear, I contemplated playing a game of Russian roulette w/ a full loaded gun, But with every tear of sadness I shed, I felt myself feeling stronger. I think the worse pain sustained through it all was the fact I faced you alone with no one in my corner to tell me “I will be okay” or “I am strong” but I thank you for your presence. Because without your “visit” I wouldn’t love me as much as I do, I wouldn’t appreciate life for it is and most importantly, my strength would not be as strong as it is. I don’t have as much as I am accustomed to but I have a second chance at living. The only downside to fighting you is knowing at any given moment you could make your un welcomed return. So I must stay on defense and ready to fight and battle you…….if you ever decide to return

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