Spiritually Shook

Yesterday my spirit was shook after receiving an e-mail from my ex. We split over six months ago and for the life of me I couldn’t comprehend why I was receiving this e-mail about some things I may have or may not have said about him. In his e-mail he told me he is trying to move on with his life and I should be doing the same. But yet I received an e-mail. I made it clear to him I’ve cut off communication from most of the world to avoid he say/she say gossip. But yet it found me. His final reply was “this wasn’t said recently and I would appreciate if you keep my name out of your mouth” for the life of me I don’t understand why this e-mail was received then I found myself over analyzing things to see if I could find clarity. That e-mail and the moments spent replying drained me spiritually. I made a lot of mistakes in life, I’ve done and said things that weren’t the most positive and hurt others in the process. I can’t take those things back but I have prayed on them and I’ve asked for forgiveness from the universe. I will admit I played vitcim in some situations but I’ve grown from them, I’ve learned valuable lessons and have been living a positive life for some time now. The past year has been the hardest year of my life but spiritually, it has been the most rewarding. I lost everything and even though it was a painful time, I learned to appreciate life and I learned I didnt need to manipulate situations just to see if others care for me. I missed out on love growing up and spent most of my 20s and some of my 30s trying to hustle, survive and find someone to love me even though I didn’t love myself. I didn’t know how to love me so it made me fail in all relationships. After losing everything I learned to love myself, I let go of my past and left everything in God’s hands. I still have moments of doubt, I still have negative moments but I’m in a better place spiritually….. I will the negativity of my past would go away. I’m only embracing on positivity.

 

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“Juanita” Under Construction

I’ve been under construction for some time. Attempting to finish the renovations of a “new” me. I’ve been under a spiritual attack and didnt realize it. So I needed to shut myself off from most of the world to undergo the changes and renovations needed to revamp who I am physically, spirituality and emotionally. During this redevelopment I lost some contractors (“friends”), fired lazy employees (people who don’t really give a shit) and knocked down walls to make the “space” (me) more open, sunny and bright. Before this renovation started I felt condemned and didn’t think it was possible to turn a rundown building (soul) into something so luxurious but I did it with the help of the spirits and spiritual guidance. Moral of this post:  Never think you are to condemned to be refurbished and/or renovated. Its an expensive investment (not speaking in terms of money) but once its completed…your values makes you feel like you’re worth millions. Now time to renovate my “love”, “marriage”, “success” and “finances

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BTW: THE PHOTO DOESNT GO WITH THE POST BUT I LOVE IT LOL

RIP

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Spare me the “RIP” Maya Angelou and how she was inspiration to you! I dont recall reading any inspirational poems that included disrespecting yourself, twerking, turning up or down, and posing with your ass out and fucking men that dont belong to you…… save your RIPs for the Superhead…… she was more inspirational to most of you than Maya Angelou. Dr. Maya Angelou was a woman of grace, intelligence and a matriarch of overcoming struggles and battles. She should be honored by those whose lives she touched not because her death is trending on social media. Educate yourself on what this woman went through in her life and how she overcame those struggles without losing degrading herself and others.

A Little Note

Understand, i am a woman….not to be confused with being a “whore”, a “groupie”, a “side piece” or a quick “fuck”. Therefore, when you approach me, approach with the respect and mannerism, you would approach your mother or grandmother. Do not speak to me in a sexual manner or assume because I will go out on a date with you that i will end the night fucking you. Thanks to the degrade in self-respect and self-pride of women these days, men have forgotten the proper way to talk to a woman. If the only conversation we can engage in consist of sexual matters or celebrity gossip then we dont need to talk. I am not the female on youtube making twerk videos, I am not the female on social media posing in every picture with my ass out. Why? because that is not who i am and feel I shouldnt have to expose myself to be considered beautiful. Please understand I dont find penis pics or self-pleasing videos as sexy. I am at a stage in my life where I am seeking a man of quality and respect not a teenage boy in a grown man’s body asking as if he is going through puberty. Is social media the blame for this?

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My Confession…..

Lent season is upon us and part of being a good catholic is confessing….so here is my confession……

All my life I struggle with wanting to be accepted, loved and respected to the point I’ve allowed so many people to disrespect me. I take pride of who I am and accepting the cards I’ve been dealt and honestly I give so much gratitude to the universe for allowing me to make it through so many situations while still maintaining my sanity and my strength even at times of defeat. I am not angel but I’m no demon..I accept the fact that I am not perfect nor do I ever try to achieve perfection…I struggled beyond my means for so many things…I found through abuse, depression, cancer and self hatred and begging society and the world to see me as a beautiful, black, strong willed woman. Through all of my accomplishments I stand alone with no one to congratulate me, no one to catch me when I’ve fallen, no one to utter the three magical words “I love you” that suppose to mean so much. Still I stand with my head above water on the outside but slowly drowning within. But I don’t give up on understanding the meaning of “life, love and understanding” I just hope the universe will stop punishing me and grant me the “fruits” of happiness I have been seeking so desperately for most of my life….this is my confession….what is yours?