The Moment of Truth

You tell her you never loved her.
You tell her you don't care for her.
You tell her she is the reason your dick can't get hard.
You tell her you hate her.
You make fun of all of her physical flaws including her surgical scars and stretch marks.
You make fun of the fact she is a survivor of abuse and call her a weak ass victim.
You laugh her for not having a mom and dad like you.
You make fun of her for being fat and having a gut.
As you are spewing this vile to her face, she continues to stand tall, stand proud and stand strong
Even though she wants to break down and cry…..
She accepts your words with no violence
She accepts knowing the truth of how the same man who once claimed to love her truly feel about her.
The sad reality, she walks everyday of her life, ashamed of her flaws.
Seeking to find love within herself to love herself as is.
But in that process, she found herself, in this moment with someone who knew her battles and made sure to go in for the kill.
There is no "I'm sorry" to heal the wounds of hearing a man who she thought was her "king" say to her she has no beauty, she has no worth, she is nothing and to even wish death on her.

Although she walked away, she now has to focus on healing and rebuilding herself and beg to God daily to never place another vile in her life or her next step will be suicide.

I miss Him


It’s amazing how you can love some so much and hurt them.My fear of commitment and getting hurt really did me in this time.

There hasn’t been many men I loved in my life. But this one I loved and regret breaking his heart. 

With many men, I was more interested in what they could offer me

But this guy…….. Yeah, I’m in love with him and I fucked it because I allowed my I insecurities and pride speak for me instead of my heart.

He will never come back but I wish he would

He’s my life partner and the only man to hold the key to my heart 

Our Argument Tonight

I think the key to a successful marriage and relationship is being with your “opposite”. If you tend to be the aggressor then you need a significant other that is submissive and vice versa. What has lead me go this thought process is…..

Tonight my boyfriend and I 

engaged in a conversation over “Social Media’s influence on bullying” he said “no one should ever talk about another person” I wholeheartedly agreed with him and voiced that “these days being bullied is different then the 70s-90s and this is because of social media. Everyone is out to gain social popularity that they will use someone’s humility as their moment to shine via FB, YouTube and Vine, etc” 

The next thing I realized the conversation went from a “cordial” debate to “well you are….” “You say” and ” I tell you all of the time…”

Wait a damn minute….. How did this conversation turn to a “Juanita (me) is a bully” and my sarcasm is “rude, rash and harsh”. 

Since I am not submissive, I voiced my opinion and since he is not submissive, he voiced his got damn opinion…

And now the room is silent to the point… He did asked if  I would like a glass of wine. Since I replied “no” he gave me his typical “cool, I knew it” which translate (mentally) to “I know you have an attitude and so do I” yes, he has an attitude and (I know he does) because it is his turn to move in “Trivia Crack” and he has yet to make a move in our two current games  proves he’s being a petty ass and he’s mad…

Yes, he is currently playing “Trivia Crack” because I can hear it, I know he is bypassing me…. Secretly, I hope his petty ass bypasses for another day so I can obtain a easy win…..

This is “typical” for us… Two headed, strong minded,opinionated people who love each other overall but fight like cats n dogs…..

Since he’s not talking to me or making a move in “Trivia Crack” I plan to be petty and sleep on the couch…. LOL… 

The picture above represents is currently….except he is now playing xbox one…and I’m laying on the couch typing this…

I wouldn’t trade his ass in the world for no one… Well… Maybe….just kidding! Or am I?!