Spiritually Shook

Yesterday my spirit was shook after receiving an e-mail from my ex. We split over six months ago and for the life of me I couldn’t comprehend why I was receiving this e-mail about some things I may have or may not have said about him. In his e-mail he told me he is trying to move on with his life and I should be doing the same. But yet I received an e-mail. I made it clear to him I’ve cut off communication from most of the world to avoid he say/she say gossip. But yet it found me. His final reply was “this wasn’t said recently and I would appreciate if you keep my name out of your mouth” for the life of me I don’t understand why this e-mail was received then I found myself over analyzing things to see if I could find clarity. That e-mail and the moments spent replying drained me spiritually. I made a lot of mistakes in life, I’ve done and said things that weren’t the most positive and hurt others in the process. I can’t take those things back but I have prayed on them and I’ve asked for forgiveness from the universe. I will admit I played vitcim in some situations but I’ve grown from them, I’ve learned valuable lessons and have been living a positive life for some time now. The past year has been the hardest year of my life but spiritually, it has been the most rewarding. I lost everything and even though it was a painful time, I learned to appreciate life and I learned I didnt need to manipulate situations just to see if others care for me. I missed out on love growing up and spent most of my 20s and some of my 30s trying to hustle, survive and find someone to love me even though I didn’t love myself. I didn’t know how to love me so it made me fail in all relationships. After losing everything I learned to love myself, I let go of my past and left everything in God’s hands. I still have moments of doubt, I still have negative moments but I’m in a better place spiritually….. I will the negativity of my past would go away. I’m only embracing on positivity.

 

My New Journey (Homeliness) 


 
The day finally came where I lost everything. 
I, no longer, have an address and it’s been months since I’ve had a phone but I’m trying to be positive. 

I miss “home” 

I miss the roof that once covered my head.

I miss the water from my shower head that cleansed my body.

I, no longer, have a bed to lay in.

A door to turn a key in

All I have is my pride and my strength to fuel me from going completely insane.

Next week I turn 35 and all I want for my birthday is a place to live. A place to call “home”. 

I never thought in a million years I would be homeless. 

Currently, I try to sleep at the Amtrak station or in the waiting areas of the airport. 

Until I can get to my job, head to the gym and shower.

I just got this job, as of now it’s not permanent but I still go in everyday and try to put my best foot forward. 

I have no choice but to remain positive and hopefully that something will come through. 

But right now this my life. 

So anybody who says “money isn’t everything” must not have experienced homeliness or know anything about “struggle”. 

I will say…. I am trying my damned to survive this and maintain my sanity But it’s not easy especially after losing my job a year ago, plaguing health issues and exhausting my account. Now I had a “job” (an assignment) I have nowhere to sleep…ive reached out to Social Services, churches, he’ll even “celebrities” hoping for a miracle. But nothing. I don’t have family and my friends claim to be here for me…but yet again… I’m battling this alone and w/o assistance 

Please pray for me or ask the universe to bless me