My Peace 

It broke my heart when people who claimed to care aboutme gave no fucks that I was living on the streets as a homeless woman

There were days I didn’t know whether to feel angry or sad because my greatest fear became my reality and I was forced to deal with it on my own

People can never understand why I am emotionally unavailable and why it is so difficult for me to love

Because I don’t feel people give a shit about me unless it is beneficial to them

Those that knew about me being homeless didn’t offer a meal, a bed or anything to me. 

They lived their lives as if everything was good while 

I celebrated my 35th bday on the streets.

I have been wearing the same articles of clothing in rotation since March 21st along with one pair of uncomfortable shoes

I snuck into my new job early in the mornings just so I could shower and freshen myself as if i just arrived in the office from home

I went days without sleep because the airport and bus station seats aren’t comfortable and every 10 mins a loud announcement was being made

I survived being robbed in a shelter and felt safer roaming streets late at night then to spend another night in the shelter.

My arms and shoulders are numb from carrying my two survival bags.

But I survived with a smile on my face and a positive outlook on life 

As much as I’ve always needed friends and love

I realized my only friend and lover is myself…..

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Rebirth 

  

Nothing wrong with admitting when you are wrong. But what’s the point of “I’m sorry” when you turn around and make the same mistakes? Sometimes you feel bad for what you’ve said and done, but real growth comes from working on the negative. For so long, I’ve been so negative due to past experiences that I was unaware I carried a storm cloud over my head and hurt others because I was hurting. When I turned 35, I let it all go. Now that I’m storm cloud free. I am ready to experience real love, a positive love that I never allowed myself to feel. I, no longer, care what has happened in the past. I am now living in the moment and looking forward to the future. I am able to smile brighter now and know my smile comes from joy, I am able to laugh until my stomach hurts. I finally experienced the rebirth I’ve craved for years now. I am a new and better version of who I once was and I’m in love with myself and life. I am completely at peace with my past and hold no bitter, hatred or the need to rehash anything that has happened. #spiritualgrowth #mentalgrowth #love #happiness