You tell her you never loved her. You tell her you don't care for her. You tell her she is the reason your dick can't get hard. You tell her you hate her. You make fun of all of her physical flaws including her surgical scars and stretch marks. You make fun of the fact she is a survivor of abuse and call her a weak ass victim. You laugh her for not having a mom and dad like you. You make fun of her for being fat and having a gut. As you are spewing this vile to her face, she continues to stand tall, stand proud and stand strong Even though she wants to break down and cry….. She accepts your words with no violence She accepts knowing the truth of how the same man who once claimed to love her truly feel about her. The sad reality, she walks everyday of her life, ashamed of her flaws. Seeking to find love within herself to love herself as is. But in that process, she found herself, in this moment with someone who knew her battles and made sure to go in for the kill. There is no "I'm sorry" to heal the wounds of hearing a man who she thought was her "king" say to her she has no beauty, she has no worth, she is nothing and to even wish death on her.
Although she walked away, she now has to focus on healing and rebuilding herself and beg to God daily to never place another vile in her life or her next step will be suicide.
The universe has always tried to removed the negative people from my life but due to my co-dependency, my insecurities and my fear of being alone, I fought against it and felt I could change people. People have walked in and out of my life because they knew they could. They knew they could leave and come back whenever they wanted and be accepted every time with opened arms. I’ve always been vocal about my fears, my feelings and my emotions to anyone who is willing to listen and people always used it against me because They knew how much I wanted so badly to be loved and accepted. The past few weeks have been great for me! I no longer carry other people’s burden, I no longer stress myself out over shit I can’t control and I no longer hold resentment or hurt in my heart and mind for anyone. I didn’t realize these people only entered my life to use me, to abuse me and to take me for granted. Even though I still want love and acceptance, I will no longer accept “ANYTHING” or the very minimal from anyone just to have a temporary fulfillment. I will no longer lay my head in depression and cry myself to sleep over people who don’t cry for me and over things I can’t control. My life still isn’t perfect and I am still dealing with temporary roadblocks. But I am comfortable in my skin, I believe in myself, I am confident as to who I am and what I’ve come from and I know my worth and my intelligence. I pray to the universe to block those who only want to use me and hurt me and I ask the universe to to continue to teach me that everyone isn’t an enemy and it’s OK to love, smile and be happy. This is my 1st of the month confession and progress report. I’m growing and I’m glowing!