Late Night Cry

what does a “basic” woman have to do to feel loved, to feel accepted, to feel valued and to feel wanted?

Trying to maintain being “strong” is making me weak emotionally.

I get ridiculed for “accusations” and for “lies” but my truth and the things that I do (positively) goes unnoticed and unimported.

If I was the type to act on impulse..I would lose

If I was the type to remain unresponsive and take shit as is…I would still lose..

Wtf do I have to do to win? To be recognized as being “genuine” “honest” “loving” “beautiful” and intelligent?

I watch too many walk in and out of my life

No matter how hard I try to “fight” and accept the hand dealt to me..

I still lose…

 I’m tired of fucking losing…


Wtf does it take to win?! 

Being a good woman is not good enough..

Being highly sexual is exciting in the moment but pointless when sex is not involved…

I’ve been cheated on..,

Ignored..

Disrespected..

Disregarded…

And unwanted for far too long…

I gave up on love, marriage and commitment…

What more do I need to give up on?

life?! 

I’m tired of giving my heart to have it returned balled up, stabbed, and chewed up in return…

Spirit Guides guide me to happiness and love because I’m sick of misery, hurt and pain  

I’m tired of feeling alone and feeling pain and betrayal….

For once in my life, I am mute from sarcasm and from smiles 

 

Advertisements

The lesson I learned about love is everyone’s definition of “love” is different. I loved a man who I was willing to relocate and be with. I love a man who chose to walk away from me…twice and I fought for his return. I love a man whom no matter how much I loved him he could never feel it and always assumed I was disconnected from him or cheating. Maybe he was the one who was disconnected from me. maybe he was looking for a way out or he wanted or had someone else. so I granted him his internal wish and gave him his golden paper to “single hood”. Sometimes you see the “real” person when you walk away. Love hurts…whether you are the heartbreaker or the heartbroken. But no matter how much a couple fuss, fight, break up or make up….if the power of love is real and true, nothing can ever break them apart except “them”….. Glad I learned today instead of a year from now.