The Moment of Truth

You tell her you never loved her.
You tell her you don't care for her.
You tell her she is the reason your dick can't get hard.
You tell her you hate her.
You make fun of all of her physical flaws including her surgical scars and stretch marks.
You make fun of the fact she is a survivor of abuse and call her a weak ass victim.
You laugh her for not having a mom and dad like you.
You make fun of her for being fat and having a gut.
As you are spewing this vile to her face, she continues to stand tall, stand proud and stand strong
Even though she wants to break down and cry…..
She accepts your words with no violence
She accepts knowing the truth of how the same man who once claimed to love her truly feel about her.
The sad reality, she walks everyday of her life, ashamed of her flaws.
Seeking to find love within herself to love herself as is.
But in that process, she found herself, in this moment with someone who knew her battles and made sure to go in for the kill.
There is no "I'm sorry" to heal the wounds of hearing a man who she thought was her "king" say to her she has no beauty, she has no worth, she is nothing and to even wish death on her.

Although she walked away, she now has to focus on healing and rebuilding herself and beg to God daily to never place another vile in her life or her next step will be suicide.

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After The Storm 

  

I’ve been going through a storm that seem like it wouldn’t past. I fought with demons of depression, the demons who wanted me to give up and the demons who wanted to repo all of the things I worked so hard for. When you are in need, no one gives a fuck about you, no one cares that you are struggling, no one cares enough to offer you help. All they care about in reality is being thankful it’s not them. My stress and depression led me to experience anxiety and even suffering a mild stroke. Doctors kept telling me “you have to relax” how can anyone relax when they don’t know where their next meal is coming from or how they are going to maintain a roof over their head. Through this storm, I was able to restore some faith and belief in God, I was blessed to know the universe and my guardian angel were working overtime to get me back on my feet. But for the first time in life, I finally was able to pass the lessons I kept failing previously. Thank you for the storm, universe. Thank you for making me stop being a victim to my situations, thank you for letting me see who my real friends are, thank you for believing in me and most importantly, thank you for teaching me to love myself and to stop relying on others to see and value my worth. Now that I believe in me and I love me….I can focus on me and the things I need to do to achieve success, love and happiness and to maintain all of the greatness. 

Accepting My Demons

I’m so tired of being labeled “scum” and a liar for the life events bestowed upon me from God. I hate who I am because I was stolen as a child and given this name and this life in which it was not my original plan or destiny. I am tired of being the daughter of a kidnapper who abused with hurtful words and blunt force in the name of love and discipline. I am tired of fighting the demons of my past that plague me with the memories of my struggles and of my truth that others believe as fabricated lies and situations I’ve placed myself in. I have fought battles of loving myself and teaching myself that love doesn’t have to hurt and abuse is not normal. I went to therapy as a child and sat there as my mother made me out to be the seed of Satan and this entity who makes shit up because I was seeking attention. But never once was my mother questioned about the role she played in my life. I am a fucked up individual who believes it safer to be alone and emotionless to avoid the pain of others and seeking the feeling of wanting to be “normal”. I rather lie about where I didn’t come from only to fit in and not be deemed a liar for speaking my truth aka the truth. My story may never be read because so many people think my truth is a lie. Because no one can understand how ONE person endured so much… I will never experience “love” and “living” because I am too busy fighting for sanity and to keep my skeletons and flowers buried in an attic and grave

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