A Letter to Steve Harvey

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Yesterday, I listened to your show as you tried to explain your reasoning for meeting with Donald Trump. You explained how the meeting was to enlighten him in hopes of possibly getting through to him on the black community. What I found mostly interesting about your radio speech, you spoke on how at one point of your life you were homeless living in your car for three years. So because you experienced that many, many moons ago it makes you a representative for the black community?

 

If Donald Trump really wanted to get to know the struggles of the black community, why didn’t he reach out to a person like me or to a retiree who put in many years of work and instead of enjoying retirement, they are trying to figure out what cuts to social security are being made, how will they be able to pay for their medication, etc.? Not some like you, who is wealthy, who can make hundreds of thousands for appearances and millions for hosting talk and game shows.

 

You are not part of the struggles of the black community, you do not know what it is like to live paycheck to paycheck in this economy nor do you know what it is like be black “middle class” or even “poor”. You spoke on meeting with Trump as an attempt to do outreach for the black community but what issues did you speak to him about that truly affects our community that is not shown on the news or social media?

 

The black community had an issue with you sitting down with trump because he has made it known he does not care for minorities and women. This is the same man who provoked racial violence at his rallies. Maybe not as extreme as the civil rights rallies of the 60s but he stood on a platform with media present instigating racial “hate”.

 

In my opinion, your meeting with Trump was for personal gain for your brand and for Trump to say “hey look, I know black people”. The meeting was for propaganda. Donald Trump was once close friends with Russell Simmons, since his presidential bid, their friendship tarnish because of the racial and hateful things he has said. Had you spoke about your “meeting” prior to the date on your radio and maybe asked your listeners to engage in conversation about some of the issues we as regular class citizens of America face, I think your position would’ve been more respected. A great time to spend on that topic could’ve been in the time slot of the “Strawberry Letter” which most of the time isn’t positive.

 

Do you really know what it is like to live paycheck to paycheck? To have to budget your checks to ensure bills to maintain a roof over your head, lights/water/gas are still on, to ensure that there is enough food in the fridge to hold your family over until the next check comes in. Do you know what it is like to not be able to afford a car so depending on the city you live public transportation may be expensive, always delayed, etc., so you hope and pray you make it to work on time? Do you know what it is like to have children in not so great schools because you can’t afford the tuition of private school and then to educate yourself on the person Donald Trump has selected as Secretary of Education (Betsy DeVos)?

 

In closing, If Trump was to ever unleash his inner beast and allow his satanic horns to show, you and your wife would be on the next private jet out of here while the rest of us struggle to find safety. I always find it astounding how someone like me who isn’t rich does a lot within the black community but the wealthy who come from poverty do so little. In order to understand your people, you must walk amongst your people.

 

I’m happy for all of the success you gained. You deserve it all and hopefully one day, I can achieve the same level of success or more until then……………

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m Not Ashamed 

  

I’m not ashamed I am battling mental illness.I’m not ashamed than I am not “normal” and that nothing in my life has ever been easy or came to me on any type of platter.

I’m not ashamed that I’ve had to hustle for what seems like “little” to others and everything to me.

I’m not ashamed that all I’ve ever wanted out of life is to be loved and valued by others.

I’m not ashamed that there have been thousands of nights I’ve cried myself to sleep and thousands of morning I woke up in tears.

I’m not ashamed that I don’t know how to love and hope that one day someone can teach me.

I’m not ashamed that I may have missed out on good relationships because I know I am extremely hard to deal with and every “great” guy will not able to deal with me.

I’m not ashamed of my screw ups in life sometimes you have to make sacrifices in order to survive. 

I’m not ashamed that I walk this earth alone with no family.

I’m not ashamed that I usually spend my holidays alone with leftover Chinese food fantasying about spending my holidays with a make believe husband and family. 

I’m not ashamed to be in the skin I’m in. For I was created with a purpose just not sure what.

I’m not ashamed that I’ve told lies in life but who hasn’t? The funny thing is the truth has been valued as lies and lies have been valued as truth.

I’m not ashamed that I don’t smile. Not really sure “how” or “why” I should.

I’m not ashamed that I think I am crazy/beautiful. The only thing I pray is that I don’t harm myself or screw my life up.

I’m not ashamed that those “friends” I cared for went out of their way to hurt me mentally, physically and tried to ruin my reputation.

I’m not ashamed that I was kidnapped as a child from my country by a mentally and physically abusive woman.

I’m not ashamed that all my life I dealt with others mentally and physically abusing me, parents who were functional crackheads, and not being loved as a child/teenager.

I’m not ashamed that I’ve never been able to admit to anyone the “true” home I grew up in out of shame and out of refusing to be that typical black girl.

I’m not ashamed that I want to seek help and overcome my mental illness 

But honestly speaking, I don’t know if I really want help…

I’m not ashamed to admit that I don’t think God loves me or cares for me because of the cards that he dealt me so I have a hard time believing in him and his existence. 

They say only “God” can judge me but I’ve been judged my entire life and I judge others…

Like I said “I’m not ASHAMED” 

Mental thought 

The world is great at telling me my downfalls and where I fall short

But when I achieve goals and accomplishments the world sits still and quiet. My biggest problem in life is I want to feel loved and I want to be accepted. I use my sarcasm for popularity. But sometimes coming up with new material isn’t easy. I roamed this earth seeking for love and each time I fail at it… The past (ex boyfriends) come into my present thinking they have a chance at my future. The thing I’ve never understood is how come you couldn’t love me during the time we were together? The insecurities of my dark skin seems to haunt me more and more. I wonder if my skin is lighter would I be loved more and better?! Would I be wanted and highly favored? Some women can look at themselves in the mirror and see their beauty. I look at myself in the mirror and point out every flaw about me. No matter how much I want to change the “negative”… I can’t.. I hate it when people tell me later on in life how much they care for me but when they were apart of my life they treated me like shit. I don’t believe people truly love and care about me…. I frown and cry more than I smile. It seems as if sadness is who I am. Maybe I should stop fighting it and accept it. Because I have yet to see, believe, and experience what “love” is…….
Crazy thing is….
I wrote this thought in blood… Because my heart and soul bleeds for happiness, love, success, marriage and good health…… I feel if I bleed a lil more each time..the universe will one day hear my cries….
Until then……

Black Drama

At what cost will it take for our people “the black community” to wake the fuck up and start making changes?! Black men walk down the streets with their pants hanging off their asses, you walk like the street as gangsters and thugs, you walk down the street with a “fuck the white man/ fuck the police” mentality and think this shit is acceptable, as if this shit is representation of what being black is all about. You blame the “slave mentality” as the cause of your unethical thinking and actions. But it’s nothing mere than a bullshit excuse to be ignorant. Wake up black people and learn to value yourself, your race and your community. Stop trying to be “that nigga” with the “dopest kicks” and the baddest “bitches”. Stop thinking of women as “bitches”, stop calling yourself a “nigga”. This is not the freedom slaves fought so hard for, this is not what those who experienced segregation had in mind when they found for civil rights! You are doing nothing more but proving why ancestors were chained and slaved. You are proving why segregation was a law. Yes racism is wrong, yes black people are racially profiled and innocently killed. But why are we outraged when a white cop kills one of our own? And so no outrage when black on black crimes are committed? In this era, we don’t have great black leaders, we have the media whores and financial seekers like the Rev. Al Sharpton and and Jesse Jackson. They don’t care for the black community unless it is beneficial to them, especially Sharpton. Just because we were blessed to see a “1st Black President” doesn’t mean he is “for the people” and “for our people”. This madness in the communities must stop. The twerk video for male attention must stop, the riots in St. Louis must stop, the killing sprees in Chicago must stop, the blaming the “white man” must stop, the low class and ignorance must stop, the killing of one another must stop! If YOU choose not to stop….Understand the purging of our black race will continue…..why should the country of America give a shit about you when you don’t give a shit about yourself or your neighbors. Understand, in this great country of America, slavery was abolished not racism. Bet you didn’t know that? Because you’re too busy being stupid and destroying what little black communities are left..most importantly stop defining beauty in the black community on booty, skin tone and “good”/hair textures

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Dark Girls

I watched this documentary on being a dark black girl and it made me cry. For so long I hated my dark skin, my kinky hair, my big lips and my big face. I wished everyday that “God” would love me enough to make me lighter. I wanted dimples, I wanted lighter skin and I wanted long curly hair. But “God” never answered me. If anything I felt he wanted to torment me. For every night I prayed and cried to God to make me lighter, my mother would tell me “how ugly I was” how big my head and face was. I remember going out with my mother and she would compliment the beauty of lighter skinned children and speak on how she wished they were her daughters instead of me. I would’ve given anything in the world to be lighter to feel love from my mother.i truly felt she didn’t love me because I was dark. I wanted to feel accepted by her, to feel I am beautiful to her. For my strength, my love and my values were to come from her. I remember she would bathe me in bleach and tell me to soak in for 10 minutes. I wonder if this was to ensure my “dirty” body was cleaned or to see if I would “lighten” any??? I never wanted to have dark friends. Most of my life my friends were either light skinned or of different nationalities. I figured if I surround myself with light..I would become light…. I remember being emotionally jealous of my lighter skinned friends because they could look like road kill laying in the middle of a road in desert heat and men would approach them while I would put on my “best” everything and be overlooked for them. I dated outside of my race most of my life because men of other races found me beautiful and men within my own race thought of me as “ugly” and on top of being “ugly” not having a huge ass. I remember reading “The Bluest Eye” because I could relate to it. I don’t know if I will ever believe “My dark black skin is beautiful” but I Love “me” more today than I have in most of my life. Please check out this documentary!

Black beauty

I am sitting here looking at myself in the mirror and reminiscing how far I’ve come with “self-acceptance”. I remember a time when I couldn’t face myself in the mirror. I hated the ugly dark skinned black bitch who stood before me so much that on several occasions I would destroy my mirrors in hopes of destroying her. It didn’t help much having a mother who always told me “my blackness will never be beautiful”. She complained how I was too dark, my head was too big and how ugly I was. My mom would even go to the extremes to point out other little girls who she thought was beautiful and wished they were her daughter instead of me…(did I mention I’m adopted?) I read the book “the bluest eye”. By Toni Morrison and found myself relating to the little girl in the book. I always enjoyed writing and wrote a prayer to god asking him for blue eyes, light skin, dimples and curly hair and despised god for a long time for hating me so much he refused to answer my prayers. I didn’t have many blacks friends so I hoped that by hanging around other nationalities some of their characteristics would rub off on me. Needless to say it didn’t happen lol. I fought for so many years trying to accept my darkness, my big head and lips and it doesn’t help when the media especially black media and stars idolizes the beauty of light skinned women. I’ve even considered bleaching my skin. One morning I woke up with a “fuck it” attitude and decided every morning I would look at myself in mirror and tell myself “I am beautiful” and “being dark is not ugly”. I swear being me ain’t easy. But no matter what others think of me…”My Caribbean Black is BEAUTIFUL”