You tell her you never loved her. You tell her you don't care for her. You tell her she is the reason your dick can't get hard. You tell her you hate her. You make fun of all of her physical flaws including her surgical scars and stretch marks. You make fun of the fact she is a survivor of abuse and call her a weak ass victim. You laugh her for not having a mom and dad like you. You make fun of her for being fat and having a gut. As you are spewing this vile to her face, she continues to stand tall, stand proud and stand strong Even though she wants to break down and cry….. She accepts your words with no violence She accepts knowing the truth of how the same man who once claimed to love her truly feel about her. The sad reality, she walks everyday of her life, ashamed of her flaws. Seeking to find love within herself to love herself as is. But in that process, she found herself, in this moment with someone who knew her battles and made sure to go in for the kill. There is no "I'm sorry" to heal the wounds of hearing a man who she thought was her "king" say to her she has no beauty, she has no worth, she is nothing and to even wish death on her.
Although she walked away, she now has to focus on healing and rebuilding herself and beg to God daily to never place another vile in her life or her next step will be suicide.
You were more abusive than jealous boyfriend. Your healing ways were more painful and draining than Ike’s abuse to Tina was. But I fought you head on knowing at any moment I could lose this fight but I stayed determined, I fought you during my darkest hour, I fought you during a time when I had no support nor friendships and everyone assume you were made up. You weren’t welcomed and that explains why you forced yourself upon me. To battle you I lost everything….my identity, my money, my mind and my will power. You were a disease far worse than alcoholism and drug addiction. Treatment was more sickening than a junkie’s first night in detox. But I made it through your storm. I cry sometimes at the pain you caused the struggles I endured, the occasions where I had to decide whether I would pay for treatment n be homeless or continue my comfy life n succumb to you. The sad truth, I was really torn between the two. I cried so much out of fear, I contemplated playing a game of Russian roulette w/ a full loaded gun, But with every tear of sadness I shed, I felt myself feeling stronger. I think the worse pain sustained through it all was the fact I faced you alone with no one in my corner to tell me “I will be okay” or “I am strong” but I thank you for your presence. Because without your “visit” I wouldn’t love me as much as I do, I wouldn’t appreciate life for it is and most importantly, my strength would not be as strong as it is. I don’t have as much as I am accustomed to but I have a second chance at living. The only downside to fighting you is knowing at any given moment you could make your un welcomed return. So I must stay on defense and ready to fight and battle you…….if you ever decide to return