Dark Girls

I watched this documentary on being a dark black girl and it made me cry. For so long I hated my dark skin, my kinky hair, my big lips and my big face. I wished everyday that “God” would love me enough to make me lighter. I wanted dimples, I wanted lighter skin and I wanted long curly hair. But “God” never answered me. If anything I felt he wanted to torment me. For every night I prayed and cried to God to make me lighter, my mother would tell me “how ugly I was” how big my head and face was. I remember going out with my mother and she would compliment the beauty of lighter skinned children and speak on how she wished they were her daughters instead of me. I would’ve given anything in the world to be lighter to feel love from my mother.i truly felt she didn’t love me because I was dark. I wanted to feel accepted by her, to feel I am beautiful to her. For my strength, my love and my values were to come from her. I remember she would bathe me in bleach and tell me to soak in for 10 minutes. I wonder if this was to ensure my “dirty” body was cleaned or to see if I would “lighten” any??? I never wanted to have dark friends. Most of my life my friends were either light skinned or of different nationalities. I figured if I surround myself with light..I would become light…. I remember being emotionally jealous of my lighter skinned friends because they could look like road kill laying in the middle of a road in desert heat and men would approach them while I would put on my “best” everything and be overlooked for them. I dated outside of my race most of my life because men of other races found me beautiful and men within my own race thought of me as “ugly” and on top of being “ugly” not having a huge ass. I remember reading “The Bluest Eye” because I could relate to it. I don’t know if I will ever believe “My dark black skin is beautiful” but I Love “me” more today than I have in most of my life. Please check out this documentary!

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