Black beauty

I am sitting here looking at myself in the mirror and reminiscing how far I’ve come with “self-acceptance”. I remember a time when I couldn’t face myself in the mirror. I hated the ugly dark skinned black bitch who stood before me so much that on several occasions I would destroy my mirrors in hopes of destroying her. It didn’t help much having a mother who always told me “my blackness will never be beautiful”. She complained how I was too dark, my head was too big and how ugly I was. My mom would even go to the extremes to point out other little girls who she thought was beautiful and wished they were her daughter instead of me…(did I mention I’m adopted?) I read the book “the bluest eye”. By Toni Morrison and found myself relating to the little girl in the book. I always enjoyed writing and wrote a prayer to god asking him for blue eyes, light skin, dimples and curly hair and despised god for a long time for hating me so much he refused to answer my prayers. I didn’t have many blacks friends so I hoped that by hanging around other nationalities some of their characteristics would rub off on me. Needless to say it didn’t happen lol. I fought for so many years trying to accept my darkness, my big head and lips and it doesn’t help when the media especially black media and stars idolizes the beauty of light skinned women. I’ve even considered bleaching my skin. One morning I woke up with a “fuck it” attitude and decided every morning I would look at myself in mirror and tell myself “I am beautiful” and “being dark is not ugly”. I swear being me ain’t easy. But no matter what others think of me…”My Caribbean Black is BEAUTIFUL”

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3 thoughts on “Black beauty

  1. johncoyote says:

    You are very wise. At my work. A young black woman told me her daughter told her she was too dark and fat. This is a pretty young mother. I told the young mother. You need to find out who taught her daughter hate and separation. This is incorrect and very wrong. I like your decision to see the beauty of your skin. Thank you for the powerful story.

    • Islandmami32 says:

      Thank you I truly appreciate the warm comments. The issues with what’s beautiful in the black community is sad. Especially when you have a dark complexion. As a young woman and as a grown woman it is not easy to hear especially when you are young that you arent pretty enough and you will never be beautiful because of the color of your skin. I learned that I needed to love myself because the road i was headed on would’ve either lead me to suicide or a very deep and dark depression.

      • johncoyote says:

        I thought we surpass the place where color make a different. You are and all black woman are beautiful. Sometime people must stand their ground. I went to a park and I heard some 15-16 years white kids calling Mexican kids names, I’m half Mexican and 1/2 Ojibwa. I had my two grandboys with me. I walked over and said loudly. My two Mexican boys come to me. The teens got scared and quiet. I have the light skin. My father told me. Never allow anyone to look down at you. It is good to meet you and I hope to read more of your work.

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