Cancer

You were more abusive than jealous boyfriend. Your healing ways were more painful and draining than Ike’s abuse to Tina was. But I fought you head on knowing at any moment I could lose this fight but I stayed determined, I fought you during my darkest hour, I fought you during a time when I had no support nor friendships and everyone assume you were made up. You weren’t welcomed and that explains why you forced yourself upon me. To battle you I lost everything….my identity, my money, my mind and my will power. You were a disease far worse than alcoholism and drug addiction. Treatment was more sickening than a junkie’s first night in detox. But I made it through your storm. I cry sometimes at the pain you caused the struggles I endured, the occasions where I had to decide whether I would pay for treatment n be homeless or continue my comfy life n succumb to you. The sad truth, I was really torn between the two. I cried so much out of fear, I contemplated playing a game of Russian roulette w/ a full loaded gun, But with every tear of sadness I shed, I felt myself feeling stronger. I think the worse pain sustained through it all was the fact I faced you alone with no one in my corner to tell me “I will be okay” or “I am strong” but I thank you for your presence. Because without your “visit” I wouldn’t love me as much as I do, I wouldn’t appreciate life for it is and most importantly, my strength would not be as strong as it is. I don’t have as much as I am accustomed to but I have a second chance at living. The only downside to fighting you is knowing at any given moment you could make your un welcomed return. So I must stay on defense and ready to fight and battle you…….if you ever decide to return

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